Couples Issues: Kids
Marriage Counseling is helpful to any struggling relationship. This is a series of articles that will describe the top issues that people in relationships struggle with. It is common to continue arguing about the same topic until the issue is resolved. Marriage Counseling offers a safe and encouraging environment to work on those issues.
Starting a Family
You decide to start a family or maybe it just happened without being planned. No matter how it starts, bringing a child into the world provides a family with great joy. It is a beautiful time for the couple. However, it also presents challenges that can affect the relationship. Handle your partner’s feelings with care during the challenging times.
Main issues couples face
There are some issues that tend to be common to couples with children. Here are some of those issues:
Division of labor aka Who does what
Mostly important with younger children but continues to be a struggle for some couples. You feel that you are doing more than your partner or your partner complains of doing more than you, for the kids. It is important to have the conversation and divide labor in a way that makes sense to both.
Differences in opinion about raising children
Couples can have differing opinions about how they want to raise their children and this is the most difficult to face. There are so many decisions to make from the moment you find out you are expecting. There are decisions to be made about so many things, from the items you will purchase to the type of delivery to the feeding methods. It is so complicated to be responsible for another human’s life. It is best to approach it as a team and discuss the options togeher. However, this issue continues even when the child grows regarding discipline, schools, food, etc. There are so many aspects of raising a child that it is important to have a strong team and very strong communication through the process.
Talking about issues when there is hunger involved or lack of sleep
Young children make it difficult to take care of yourself because you focus most of your energy in caring for the child. However, if you do not take care of yourself it is difficult to care for others. It is difficult for parents to get their needs met. If you are hungry or tired, choose a different time to discuss important issues or it may be helpful to apologize for your behaviors after. Or, try not to judge your parnter when they are hungry and sleep deprived.
How to improve your relationship
Tips to improve your relationship. Children do not have to be the demise of your relationship. Here are a few tips that can help you to improve your relationship after children.
Preparing emotionally for becoming parents
This is the best time to strengthen the communication with your partner. This might be a good time to start counseling to iron out any issues that are currently affecting the relationship, before the child arrives. There are also parenting classes that are offered after the child is born and is a good place to receive support from your community. The Burbank Parent Education Program offers great opportunities for parents.
Communicate with your partner about your feelings
Talk with your partner about how you feel. Communicate with your partner about what you need from them. Express how you can be a better team and family. The stronger your communication and relationship is, the more healthy it is for your children. Focus on communication with your partner. They need to know what you are going through so that they are able to understand fully. Having these discussions can really save your relationship. Talking also gives you a chance to show your partner that you care. Marriage Counseling can be a good place to start if you are not used to communicating with your partner.
Be gentle when discussing child’s needs
When discussing your child’s needs with your partner, it is important to be gentle with eachother. Remember that you are on the same team. Your partner cares deeply about you and wants to help. Be gentle when you speak to each other. It is the most healthy if your child can see you talking to each other in a loving way.
Focus on Relationship (Not just the children)
Children do better when their parent’s relationship is doing well. You don’t have to be the helicopter parent. Focusing on your relationship is actually good for your kid’s wellbeing physcially and emotionally. Spending time nurturing your relationship can provide your child with the examples he needs to be emotionally healthy. You also provide relationships tools with your example.
Some people struggle with seeing the causes of their issues and having a third party present to help them communicate with love and care is a huge benefit to any new family. Marriage Counseling can help you improve your communication with your spouse so that you can have a stronger family system.
Wendy Salazar is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the city of Burbank. Please contact with furhter questions or to schedule an appointment