Couples Issues: Money

Counseling Couples

Money Issues

Couples Therapy is helpful to any struggling relationship. This is a series of articles that will describe the top issues that people in relationships struggle with. It is common to continue arguing about the same topic until the issue is resolved. Couples therapy offers a safe and encouraging environment to work on those issues.

Most Common Money Pitfalls

Not Realizing your own money issues $$

You may not realize that you have money issues of your own and this is one of the most common things that people struggle with. Many believe that if the topic of money doesn’t come up in their relationship, it is not a problem. This may be very from the truth. It is commong to avoid conversations that we are not comfortable with and many people early on in a relationship refuse to discuss money.

Small secrets are not a big deal

You might think that it is not important to discuss where your money goes, with your partner. You earned the money with your hard work and you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. If you choose to be in a relationship and you have goals with your partner regarding buying a home, travel and raising children, then it is their business and secrets can cause ongoing arguments. If you are supposed to be saving for a romantic vacation but instead you are splurging on shopping sprees or fancy dinners, it becomes a problem.

Thinking that it’s not possible to compromise

Even in situations with extremely differing spending habits, you can find a middle ground. Having coversations with your partner about money and trying to find a middle ground is important. Even if one person has a spending problem and the other loves to save, it is important to find the middle and compromise with your partner.

Confusing spending habits with character traits

Discuss the money issues as exactly what they are, a habit that can be changed. A person that over spends is not necessarily to be described as selfish or careless. People often do not learn good money and saving patterns at home and then develop careless spending habits. This does not mean that the person is completely careless. It is important to address the spending habits as spending habits without attacking the character.

Resentment

If you resent your partner for the money they make or the way they make their money, this applies to you. You might think that you work hard and don’t make as much as your partner. Or that they don’t work as hard as you do and make more. This is a common thought even in strong relationships. You think that your debt is higher than your partner or how easy it is for them to  save. Acknowledge what you are feeling so that you can address it. Do not let this destroy your relationship.

How to fix it

There are steps that you can take today to help you start working on improving your relationship with money and with your partner.

Work on your Finances

Whether you are in a relationship or not, it is always a good time to start working on improving your relationship with money. Speaking with a financial advisor can help you get started with managing your money issues. Maybe you need to figure out what your money issues are because you know you have an unhealthy relationship with money. Start working on that today. Here is a guideline to find someone to help click here.

Be Aware: Money Problems are not about money

Issues with money are not about the money but about reaching goals and dreams. Money issues are not meant to be a personal matter in your relationship. Find out if your goals match with your partner. Ensure that you have mutual goals and work on those goals together. Goals include, buying a home, raising children, taking exotic vacations. These are things that people need money for and you need to save in order to accomplish these goals. Make sure your goals match.

Talk about Money

I know that talking about money is not anoyone’s idea of sexy talk. Even yet, talk about each other’s goals and dreams early on in the relationship and find out how you will work together to reach those goals. You want to further your career by going to school and money is needed for that which causes you to work less. These are important conversations to have.  Talk to your partner today about your goals and make a plan to reach those goals.

Be Prepared

The moment you decide to sit down ant talk about money, make sure you are prepared to share your money history as well as your current situation. Be prepared to discuss a plan to improve finances. Be open to suggestions, especially if your partner is good at saving.

No Judgement Zone

Do not start the conversation by judging your partner. Money is a sensitive subject and already difficult to talk about. If you want to start a healthy relationship with your partner and money, do not judge. Also, your partner will be more honest with you about money issues if you do not judge them. It is healthy to start a conversation with no judgement.

Work as a team

Your relationship is made up of a team, treat your partner that way. You are on the same side and have mutual goals, therefore, it is important to treat your partner that way. Talk about your finances in an open and honest manner. Furthermore, if you want a future with your partner, it is a good habit to start.

Always be Honest

Honesty really is the best policy, when you are talking about money. If you know you have a problem with spending and saving, be honest with your partner. Being that your partner cares about you, they will be there for you and it is important to stay honest about spending and saving. Your partner needs to know that they can trust you with everything, including their money.

Counseling Couples

If you find that after reading this article you are still having trouble bringing up these topics with your partner, it is a good idea to seek help. A couples counselor can help provide a safe environment to discuss the important topics that are difficult to bring up on your own. Find a therapist near you that can help with this.

 

Wendy Salazar is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the city of Burbank. Please contact with furhter questions or to schedule an appointment

Leave a Comment